Throw away that rules book

Hi everyone

This week post is about throw away that list of things we “will not do” with our child – we all have one  or two  things in our mindset when we start out this crazy journey of parenthood.

For me they were,

  • I will never use a soother with my child
  • I will never co – sleep with my child

Both of which were broken around 6-8 weeks old and do I  regret it – heck no

My little one was given their first soother during a bad colic phase ( which turned out to be a cow milk protein allergy – more on that in a later post ) and it was the only thing that got my little one to relax enough to even cuddle into me .

Co-sleeping falls into this category as well  and I have, to be honest even while I was still in a hospital , I remember waking up to my little one moaning away , a quick feeding and a cuddle within five minutes . They were  happiest next to me ,  right in my arm and I felt at my most relaxed as well .

During one of these “colic” episodes – every time I pop my little one down in their sidecar cot next to me , they  would just start to scream and scream .  So I would often end up on my back , baby on my chest and my arms wrapped around them so I knew the second they moved . Bed sheet stopped at my hips to make sure baby never overheated while swaddled in her open weaved shawl in the early days .

The idea of putting my little one in the vast space of the bed next to me – I don’t like and went searching the net for something suitable for my little one that was closer to me and made me feel like they were “safe” next to  me .  I knew i would never roll onto my little one i was too aware of where they were .

Then I found it – The Sleepyhead pod stage one , the only thing that delayed me from paying it right away was the cost of it , but really once I got it – well my little one just loved it and it solved all my sleeping issues with them .  ( needless to say, we are now onto stage two pod nowadays)

Another benefit of being a single mother is at times like these – when you just wanted to follow your gut and do what is best for you and your child  is you have no one to fight with , no one to kick out of the bed and move into the guest bedroom for the next serval months – personally I love being spared all that hassle .

Brought it , the child loved it , happy mummy , happy baby , works for both , deal done !

So the message for today is, be ready to rip up the rule book , go with your gut and do what really works for you and your child .

 

Have a great week everyone xx

 

 

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Making “you”time a Must for yourself daily

Hi everyone

People always say when you first have kids , you will never get any privacy ever again .  For me personally , due to cats(whom would sit at the edge of the bath or meowing at the shower door) and a dog that needed to be with you every moment of the day anyway – with my little one it was just second nature and part of the course to have them with me all the time night and  day.

As much as I LOVE my child and want them with me 98% of the time , I still find that I need a little bit of down time to keep myself sane . So every evening I put aside about 20-30 for myself – this slot of time it for me to do something just for me . not chores , work (am self-employed and just launching a new business ) tidied up toys, getting breakfast sorted out for the next day and picking out the next day outfits for me and child . etc . You get the idea .

It can be a quick shower , painting my nails  or even a hot cup of tea with a good book .  Whatever it is – it’s just something that helps pull me out of mum mode and back into human/business women mode .

It’s such a simple act – but it really does pay to invest in this amount of a small timeout for yourself .  In the long run it helps keep you sane and better you be a happier calmer mum when you need to slide right back into mum mode again 😉

Until next time

Love and Light to all

 

 

 

Changing times

Hi all

Sorry it’s been such a long time since my last post

Since my last post on the workplace – I was bullied in my own workplace to the point I felt it was best to leave than stay in the now toxic environment of that workplace.

Yet I’ve never  been one to let the grass grow under my feet for long – so already I’m in the process of setting up a new business for myself, a hidden added bonus is that I get to work my new job around my little one. Which in turn allows me to be the full-time stay at home mum, I’ve always wanted to be and the one thing since my little ones DNA father walked away from us, I felt that was taken from me unfairly.

So I’m pleased to be able to work in the evenings via my laptop on my social media consulting work  – still be at home with my little one if they should wake up and be able to be around for them in the daytime as well.

How does this work if you on tax credits – You just  reported the change in employment right away and declared yourself as self-employed if your starting own company or service and tell them the hours you would be working from home per week.

I will say one word of advice to all single mums out there beware of the party planners – they go after stay at home mums or women who wish to be staying at home mums – yet they expect these mums give up their nights, which is fair enough in theory if you have a partner or babysit on tap to hand the kids over it and it’s not going to be eating into your limited paycheck for your cut per month . These people are great with their pitches – so ladies just watch your backs.

 

Until next time everyone

love and light

VJ

xx

Know your Rights as a Single Parnet in the workplace

Ok everyone listen up , its a sad state of affair that these things still happened in this day and age , yet there are still a shockly HUGE amount of employers that go out of their way to make life as hard as possible for mums to be and mums returning to be  so you need to know your rights and what your entitled to ask for and apply for within the work place .

A few tips for in the workplace issues

You should always have a copy of your contact and you should always be allowed to view your company’s employee right manual alone at any time in the workplace without fear or under bosses eye ( if you have a mobile with a cam it maybe a good idea to take photos of any pages you need to ref back to – if you company’s manual is not out on display and easy access on a day to day basics )

Bosses are very good at accidental keep hold of your copy on contract these days by asking you to leave it for them to countersign and then forgetting to do it in front of you or hand it back to you or misplacing it – so make sure you always have a back up copy and hound your boss of your copy back if they are dragging their heels

If your ever pulled before a review broad or a meeting – you have a right to know an unknown names and what their connection to the company your working for is, if there is no connection towards the business/ company then their presence is illegal and you can reject them from the process .

 

Given my own personal experiences during my pregnancy and returning to work  i felt the need to  put together this list of links for all mums to be and returning to work mums  as it can be very stressful and lonely time while dealing with a child and work issues

Let deal with the mums to be  first

your rights by the UK government website -https://www.gov.uk/working-when-pregnant-your-rights

If you can’t get SMP then you maybe can get a Martiny allowance – which is something you hear a lot less about – https://www.gov.uk/maternity-allowance

If you feel unsure what your entailed to or if your unsure of your rights then do go to your local crizten advice beau – i’ve been to my local one twice in the last 6  months ( on one work issue and another issue) and they have been so helpful .  https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/

 

Working rights for parnets and single mums

http://www.lawandparents.co.uk/rights-working-parents.html

http://www.workingrights.co.uk/rights-single-parents.html

http://www.lawandparents.co.uk/flexible-working-law.html

Also keep an eye on the downloadable packs on one parent families scotland website they are kept very up to date and so helpful too  – this is one is for going back to work

http://www.opfs.org.uk/publications/going-back-to-work/

 

i hope some you find this info helpful

 

till next time or next nap time 😉

 

 

 

We all have them – the bad weeks 

Ok ladies and dad’s who are out there going it alone 

Take a deep breath !  Know you are not alone out there – we all have weeks that no matter what we do our little ones will keep on crying and moaning despite being 100% healthy , the right temp , having a fresh nappy and packed full to the gills . 

Sometimes it can be the dreadful culprit teething at work ( which is what I supsect was wrong with my own LO two weeks ago ) or it can be a leap on delevlopment that has your little one all out of sorts and you feeling like you want to climb cause your at the edge of breaking point .

So take another deep breath , count to ten ,  put child in a safe spot , playpen , walker , swing , high chair all strapped in and walk away for a moment . Go make that cup tea , have a cry if you need too ( there is no shame in that ) your not failing , you not weak !  Your child love you , and your strong then you think ! 

Take that extra moment to grab a biscuit to steady these worn out neves , another deep breath , shoulder’s back and go back to child who is mostly likely still screaming cause mummy left the room and keep going on with the battle until bedtime ( or whenever they pass out )  smile at child , pick up if needs be or sit have you cuppa put of the tv for child , who is mostly cooling off cause you back in the room and all that screaming as worn them out a little ! 

Just know your not alone when these days or weeks happen – it’s happens to every parent out there , single, married or just coupled up ! 

It’s is a phase they will grow pass it and new challage a will come our way – yet just like phase we are parents will find our own ways and technique to cope !  

For me and my LO the thing that helped us was the family pets , my LO got all giggles over the family dog rushing about with his you doing laps around the table in front of them while they sat in their walker as I sat beside them !  Also plenty of Doc Mcstuffins on replay as well by the time my LO turns 2 I will be an expert in this show – I kid you not ! Yet it keeps my LO happy and at the end of the day , there is nothing I would not do to see that smile or hear that laugh .

Till next time 

Love and light to you all

Xx

Long time – Childcare your options and useful links all scottish single mums should save

Hi all

Well it’s been a far longer time then i intended since my last blog – it keep it short and sweet my absence can by explain in three little words – My Little one, that is the whole reason I’ve been offline so long .

In about 3 months i will be returning to my day job , so I’m just make the most of the time i have left with my llittle one by enjoying every sweet little smile and hissy fit to the max.

So my mind has been turning a lot to childcare for my LO when i return to work , the original  plan was for LO grandparents to look after my darling while i was a work as i tend to work half day shift’s .  Yet as my LO refuses to take more then one nap during the day ( normally in the morning) my darling is on the going and needs to be entertained the whole day until the little dear has their dinner bottle in the evening then is out like a light .  So LO Grandparents as already saying things like that will have to change to my little darling ( somehow i see baby winning this battle of wills)

Anyway so the new plan is looking like my LO will have two days per week in a local nursery and the other 3 days with their Grandparents

I was worried about the cost of the fees for a nursery – so i looked into seeing if there was any help out their for a single parent like myself

I knew about the Voucher childcare scheme at my work – but this doesn’t really work out to my benefit in my case

so i wanted to list a few handy links and sites that all single mothers should have , so everyone can see all the options available to them  and to use as an aid to help them work out the best long term plan for their LO and themselves

Scotland links for single mums or one parent family

Info you should bear in mind for returning to work

http://www.opfs.org.uk/publications/going-back-to-work/

Help for paying for childcare your options ( for Scotland and England)

https://www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/overview

General local info on Scottish childcare

https://www.scottishfamilies.gov.uk/LocalChis.aspx?chisid=-1

Useful links for One parent families in England

http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/

I hope some of you find these links useful

wishing you all a great day xx

Ok let’s talk about nappies

Ok any mother will tell you the nappy can make or break any babies outfit  ! You need a good quilaty nappy , so you don’t get any nasty suprises throughout your day to day rountie ! You also want a brand that is no going to cause any awful nappy rashes – not nice for baby ! 

For myself I always like to try and have a eco friendly mindset within realistic parameter’s . 

In a prefect a world I would use real cloth nappies but having a set of grandparents that would not even consider using them or replacing them if my little one was being look after by them on the odd day or odd hour when I would be unavabile to look after them ! 

So before my wee one was even born I did my research into which bands of disposable nappies were the most eco friendly  – the three names that keep coming up were

Bamboo nappies –  http://www.beamingbaby.co.uk/baby-products/bambo-newborn-eco-disposable-nappies-K61498.html

Breaming baby –  http://www.beamingbaby.co.uk/baby-products/beaming-baby-biodegradable-nappies-mini-30001K.html

Naty nappies

http://www.naty.com/baby-care/eco-nappies/size-n-newborn/
So I ordered a pack in the first size of each of them to try them each out on my little one just after she was born , to see how well each of them held up before buying anymore of any of them .

I have attached all the links above so you can check each (any) of them out for yourself .

I took in a mix of the bamboo and beaming baby nappies into hosptail with me , right from the off  I really like the feel of the bamboo nappies when opening them up to put on my baby . They held well together , no leaks and never left my little one with any redness . 

Breaming baby nappies were exactly the same just hit everything I was look for in a nappy . I also found them to be a bit lighter on the wallet too rather the bamboo nappies .

Sadly for me the worse by far was the naty nappies –  they hardly even held in the smallest amount of wet , they seemed to just about ready to fall apart at any moment but the worse thing with them was after even just one day of using them my little one got nappy rash and a redness . I had been planned to use the Naty nappy as my backup nappy if I ever ran out on one of the other two as they could easily be picked up from my local boots .  Needless to say that has not been the case .

For me personally for my little one I use the Breaming baby company direct now for all her nappy needs (bags,wipes etc) I love that with every order I get back a voucher ( normally between £3- £5 ) to use on my next order plus a whole lot of sample freebie which are just a great size to have in your changing bag as a backup.  I often find I only need to place an order with them every 2 weeks  to keep on top of my supply for my wee one . Which for me is not a big deal ! 

Being a single mum ( just like any mother ) I like to get good value for my money and I have to watch my budget in this day and age ! 

Next time around I will be talk about my top 5 best buys for my bigger items for baby ! 

Until next time everyone – wishing you and your babies great times in the coming weekend 🙂

Victoria

Welcome – my story

Welcome everyone

My name is Victoria and 11 weeks 4 days ago  my little one was born on the 26 th of march by c section . That was the best day of my life beyond a doubt to finally lay eyes on this little person that had been growing inside of me for the last 9 months- yet it was also the day i became a single mum , flying solo on this new part of life.

So i wanted to create this blog to help share what tips and trick’s  have worked for me in order to help  new mums as well new single mums find their way on this next chapter to their life’s just that little bit easier i hope while sharing my experiences on here with all of you .

I will come back later this week i hope to do a proper first post to really kick this blog off . In the meantime i hope everyone is having a great weekend

love and light

Victoria